Penpusher
Posted: 2020-01-14T10:53:13+10:00 In:

After his teenage son is kidnapped by gang members, a police officer decides to steal cars.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Why would a gang want to kidnap a boy with leukaemia?

      Why will doing a car robbery rescue his son?

      Why does he need to team up with all of these people? It doesn’t take 5 people to rob one car.

      Why does he have to be a cyborg hunter when nothing else about the plot has anything to do with cyborgs?

      These are questions that should be answered within the logline.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      I have to agree with Mike, the lead character’s son is kidnapped and he decides to steal some cars.

      If this is the plot, you will have to show us how those two things connect.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      Think of Lord of the rings.

      “When an evil sorcerer threatens to enslave the entire world, a humble Hobbit decides to go on a trip.”

      Now if I hadn’t read the books but was just reading the logline, I would be scratching my head in confusion. How does going on a trip stop an evil sorcerer?

      The reason it’s confusing is that it’s missing why going on the trip is important,? (to destroy the ring which happens to be the power base for the evil sorcerer)

      In your logline, his son gets kidnapped, so the lead steals some cars… obviously, something is missing from the logline, How does this all connect.

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