A daughter struggling to come to terms with her Father’s death discovers a dangerous secret. Attracting the attention of government, and forcing her family to flee the country.
sgColeHarrisLogliner
A daughter struggling to come to terms with her Father’s death discovers a dangerous secret. Attracting the attention of government, and forcing her family to flee the country.
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If the secret is what set’s the story in motion, you should say what it is in the logline for clarity.
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“When she discovers her deceased father had a double life as a spy, a grieving accountant must flee England with the government only steps behind if she is to ?reunited with her Russian homeland.”
Agree with Richiev. ?Don’t hide the game ball.
Pet peeve – “…struggling to come to terms with…” this, unfortunately, is very common in loglines and rarely works well. This description doesn’t contribute a clear plot detail to the reader’s understanding of the story as it’s vague in nature, best to cut it and focus on the dramatic problem at hand.
What is her goal? Depending on the country, fleeing it could be relatively easy. What country are they in?
Secondly, the obstacle is unclear. What does “…Attracting the attention of government…” mean? Are they being chased by a crazed official? Are they being hunted down by a team of assassins? Their obstacle needs to be clearly described.