A deranged lonely programmer must run away from a sadistic motorbiker, as he kills his cheating girlfriend after consulting his multiple topsy-turvy personalities.
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A deranged lonely programmer must run away from a sadistic motorbiker, as he kills his cheating girlfriend after consulting his multiple topsy-turvy personalities.
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The MC is deranged, lonely, a programmer, a killer and has dissociative identity disorder – WOW! You’ve certainly crammed a lot in.
I suggest you simplify the MC’s description down to the absolute necessary. What is it that will make his task harder? What is his flaw that he will overcome during the story?
Killing someone for cheating is too harsh, and will make it very hard for the audience, despite the black comedy aspect, to empathise with the MC. Is it necessary for him to kill her? Or can this simply be dropped?
Lastly, stories are best framed within a finite amount of time – you need to clearly define the starting point and end of your story in a logline. What is it he MUST achieve and what motivates him? In other words, what is the inciting incident and goal? How long must he run away for? A week? A year? A decade? And why does the bad guy start chasing him?
He actually kills his girlfriend — and?that’s supposed to be funny??
I am intrigued by a story of a protagonist afflicted with MPD (multiple personality disorder), but I think the suggested logline Richiev posed under version 1.0? is better and worth considering as a starting point.
You also indicated that you were thinking of the concept in terms of a short film. ?However, I think it has the potential to be expanded into a feature length film — although I think that would require rethinking the inciting incident.
However, it’s your story.
Please give review and vote! Any input is very appreciated!
Thanks