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theplaneteersPenpusher
Posted: June 29, 20182018-06-29T12:21:03+10:00 2018-06-29T12:21:03+10:00In: Crime

A detective being investigated on historic corruption charges becomes an ideal candidate for an off-the books assignment to locate missing evidence.

A detective being investigated on historic corruption charges becomes an ideal candidate for an off-the books assignment to locate missing evidence.
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    6 Reviews

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    1. Nettle Samurai
      2018-06-29T13:01:24+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2018 at 1:01 pm

      This is the setup (10 pages max), what about the premise, inner and exterior conflicts, dramatic need. You need to state that in a logline.

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    2. variable Uberwriter
      2018-06-29T16:01:10+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2018 at 4:01 pm

      As Nettle said, What happens next?
      This off-the book assignment to locate missing evidence…… tell us more about it…… in such a way that his Goal becomes visible
      Good Luck theplaneteers

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    3. Mike Pedley Singularity
      2018-06-29T16:56:32+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2018 at 4:56 pm

      Agree with Nettle and variable. Also, there are potentially two stories in the current logline: the corruption charges and the off-the-books assignment. They need to be connected to each other somehow. If this isn’t your plan consider making the detective someone who was charged with corruption but got off on a technicality (or something like that). Then you don’t need to worry about resolution but you can still have a reveal as to whether he was guilty or not that plays into the off-the-books assignment story. I hope that makes sense.

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    4. Richiev Singularity
      2018-06-29T17:27:18+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2018 at 5:27 pm

      Who decides he is a candidate for an off-the-books assignment?
      Missing evidence of what?
      What are the stakes? What bad thing happens if he fails?
      What is the lead supposed to accomplish?

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    5. dpg Singularity
      2018-06-29T21:06:15+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2018 at 9:06 pm

      What IS the inciting incident?? What’s the logical connection between the corruption charges and the assignment,? how does the? former trigger the latter?

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    6. TullyArcher Samurai
      2018-06-30T03:10:57+10:00Added an answer on June 30, 2018 at 3:10 am

      What are “HISTORIC corruption charges”? And as others have said, this is set up. I have no idea if he even takes the assignment, yanno? 🙂

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