“Daddy Ball”
"A disgraced father takes the helm of a dysfunctional baseball team controlled by overbearing parents and attempts to lead them against the cross-town rivals in the city championship."
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This sounds like a good base for a small town story as an education plot. It could work really well and the logline seams to have everything it needs.
I would cut out the fat and make it more efficient though.
If it is an education plot, I am guessing about the father?
Is being a father critical to the plot? Being a father doesn’t tell us enough about him, perhaps specify his profession rather than his parental status. He may have more to prove as a disgraced advertising executive, lawyer, politician etc…
Is he been made to coach the team or is he volunteering?
How do the overbearing parents come into the story if his goal is to beat the cross-town rivals? Are they the obstacles?
Just a stab of mine at it:
A disgraced politician’s last chance for redemption is to coach the lowest ranking team in the junior league to victory against the raining champions.
Hope this helps Nir.
It has the makings of a good story, but lacks a real hook to make me want to read more. Kind of sounds like something we’ve seen before. Hardball, staring Keanu Reeves springs to mind. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, you just need something to differentiate it from the rest. Make it memorable.
I’m more interested in why the father is dysfunctional, and why he’s coaching the team. I think that would be more important information than the cross-town rivals, the city championship, or even the overbearing parents. Unless the dysfunction was ironically linked to overbearing parents. Are they the ones that shamed him? Made him the coach against his will?
Wanting to win the championship is a nice visible external goal, but it’s obvious. You can assume anyone coaching a team wants them to win. But why is it important for them to win? How does that help him? What does he have at stake if he loses? I think that’s the key to your story.
I’m showing my age but I grew up loving the ‘Bad News Bears’ movies when I was a wee lad. They were ages ago (though there was a remake) but maybe with a new spin you can make it fresh.
The BNB movies were in less politically-correct times too. These days I wonder if parents would stand for a ‘disgraced’ father coaching their kids?
Could the coach’s disgrace be a secret? And can you work that into the logline to add tension?
God forbid the coach is an ex-KGB assassin who is trying to get close to the grandfather of one of the kids who is a retired CIA agent he has a grudge against from the Cold War lol 😉
Yeah, this is more like “BNB 2.0.”
The players are HS, and this is based on actual events happening as we speak. The logline wasn’t thought out completely- as the comments clearly show- but the essence of the story is there somewhere. It won’t involve spies or hitmen, though!
NO HITMEN!???