Dark Energy
A disgraced scientist sends a message into a blackhole, never expecting the terrifying message it sends back, now he has just days to prove to the world that this time he is right.
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I must say this is a really good premise! I feel the logline does the job in enticing the reader. I?ve read a lot of these loglines on this site and this is the only one that got me hooked. So congrats and I hope your script is as good or even better than the logline.
I must say this is a really good premise! I feel the logline does the job in enticing the reader. I?ve read a lot of these loglines on this site and this is the only one that got me hooked. So congrats and I hope your script is as good or even better than the logline.
What is he “right” about? There’s nothing in the logline saying he was “wrong” about anything.
What is he “right” about? There’s nothing in the logline saying he was “wrong” about anything.
As Lucius Paisley said.
And what are the stakes for being “right”? IOW: please be more explicit about the nature of the “terrifying message”.
As Lucius Paisley said.
And what are the stakes for being “right”? IOW: please be more explicit about the nature of the “terrifying message”.
Essentially his sending a message into the black hole and never expecting a reply is unrelated to the story. The story really starts after he gets a message from inside a black hole (laws of physics not withstanding…) and his main action according to the logline is to earn the scientific community’s respect again.
I find this a week action to take as appose to save the world. Why not change the opening of the logline to reflect the inciting incident and then clarify the stakes by elaborating on his actions to save the world.
My try:
After a disgraced scientist receives a message from outer space he has a few days to convince his peers that an Alien invasion is immanent and save the world.
Hope this helps.
Essentially his sending a message into the black hole and never expecting a reply is unrelated to the story. The story really starts after he gets a message from inside a black hole (laws of physics not withstanding…) and his main action according to the logline is to earn the scientific community’s respect again.
I find this a week action to take as appose to save the world. Why not change the opening of the logline to reflect the inciting incident and then clarify the stakes by elaborating on his actions to save the world.
My try:
After a disgraced scientist receives a message from outer space he has a few days to convince his peers that an Alien invasion is immanent and save the world.
Hope this helps.
I would trim your logline, deleting the last half, that starts with the word now. Leaves the reader wanting more, and is intrigued in what the message has told him. Overall, good work.
I would trim your logline, deleting the last half, that starts with the word now. Leaves the reader wanting more, and is intrigued in what the message has told him. Overall, good work.