A down and out door-to-door salesman who wears a fake cast to gain sympathy and win a sale, knocks on the wrong door and is taken hostage by a woman’s deranged boyfriend. He must find untapped courage to save himself and the woman before times runs out.
bbvaughnPenpusher
A down and out door-to-door salesman who wears a fake cast to gain sympathy and win a sale, knocks on the wrong door and is taken hostage by a woman’s deranged boyfriend. He must find untapped courage to save himself and the woman before times runs out.
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Let me say, you re good! I like this one too. A contained thriller kind of hard to write but with an original concept. Glengarry glengross meets funny games. I like the main character because he has a flow to overcome and the situation is perfectly suited to let him change or die!
Ithink you have some more work to polish the logline, be sure to erase sentences like ‘knocks on the wrong door’ , this doesn t belong to a logline where every word counts. A logline doesn t tease.
When a failing door-to-door salesman?is taken hostage by a deranged customer, he has 2 hours to make the sale of his life-? a pitch??to save his life.
(30 words)
The fake cast is a good prop gimmick, his last desperate attempt to win sales through pity.? And it strengthens the story to have a stake character (the wife) who’s life he must also save.? But I don’t deem them essential to the?logline.?? Is the fake cast?a story hook?? Not for me.? Is?a wife in mortal danger a story hook?? Not for me.
For me the story hook is?irony.??A lousy salesman?must?become a super salesman for the most important product of all –his own life.? He must overcome his character flaw, the?reason he’s a failure: he doesn’t believe in himself, in his own worth.
This concept has legs.? Run with it.? Good luck.