Logliner
Posted: 2017-09-14T20:28:31+10:00 In:

A dracula who hates killing people for blood finds a companionship in a coward son of a gangster.

A dracula who hates killing people for blood finds a companionship in a coward son of a gangster.
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    7 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Give Drac a goal and then how his friendship effects it.

      Drac is going to suicide because he hates killing but finds a new lease on life when he meets … and helps him to….

      That sort of thing.

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    2. Uberwriter

      Dracula is a character. He is a vampire. So you likely mean that the story is about Dracula or it is about a generic vampire. If you’re using dracula to define something else, then it is not clear.
      As Craig said, what is the character’s goal?

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    3. Singularity

      I like the conflicted character but now the logline needs a conflict based on some necessary action created by an inciting incident. ?What is the inciting incident that throws the 2 together? ?As a result ?of that inciting incident, what becomes his objective goal? ?Who opposes him?

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    4. Logliner

      Thanks for the feedback.

      Here is the new one:

      A community of Vampires, send Vampires to a haunted house as a punishment for not killing enough people for blood; to avoid this punishment a peace loving Vampire must steal blood from blood banks by befriending a coward Gangster?s son who could take help from the Vampire to establish himself as a rightful heir of his father’s throne.

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    5. Singularity

      The latest version of the logline is too long and unclear.

      Is the MC the vampire or the gangster’s son? They both seem to have different goals, so it can’t be a dual protagonist – which of them is the main character of your story?

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    6. Singularity

      >>>It?s a story of two guys

      So it’s an Odd Couple/buddy film.

      Even so, I think it’s best to frame the logline around the vampire because he is a far more interesting character. ?And his dramatic predicament seem far more urgent than that of the gangster.

      Also, what is the dramatic glue, the common need, the binds these two characters in the same plot? ?It’s not obvious how each could help the other. ? ?What does the gangster have that the vampire needs, that he can’t find in anyone else, ?to solve his dramatic problem? ?Conversely, what does the vampire have that the gangster needs, can’t find anywhere else, to solve his dramatic problem?

      >>>son of a famous gangster

      Better if he’s pitched as the son of a ruthless gangster — IOW: the son is in mortal jeopardy.

      fwiw

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    7. Logliner

      I do love the idea of this odd mix of genre characters. I echo most by saying to have an inciting incident and reason for them to need each other or meet each other at least.? The one I read in these comments is way to long and complex – tighten it and lighten it up I would suggest.? Like a 10 year would understand.? Keep at it on this one.

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