Samurai
Posted: 2016-05-24T14:53:42+10:00 In:

A drug-addicted thief hatches a plot to steal a cure from Big Pharma mercenaries when his mother?s chemo loses funding.

A drug-addicted thief hatches a plot to steal a cure from Big Pharma mercenaries when his mother?s chemo loses funding.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      This is pretty good.

      If there is a ticking clock that would help.

      I would also reverse the order… “When his mother’s chemo loses funding…”

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    2. Singularity

      What exactly is he going to steal? ?A sufficient batch of the cure for his mother’s medical needs? ?Or the recipe, the formula for making it?

      Also, I would delete “mercenaries”. ? You can insert the word into the dialogue of your protagonist and other characters, of course, but it isn’t necessary for the logline. The term “Big Pharma” connotes enough. ?From the plot alone we get it that you’re not feeling the love for the pharmaceutical industry.

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    3. Singularity

      How about changing the order of events, as Richiev suggested, and specifying his action with more detail:

      After his mother’s chemo therapy looses funding, a professional thief must break into a big Pharmaceutical company’s central lab to steal enough of the drug to keep her alive until after his wedding.

      I tried adding in a time frame with the whole wedding thing.

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