Penpusher
Posted: 2020-04-01T02:23:34+10:00 In:

An ex convict must rescue his granddaughter from sex traffickers who might be a part of a prostitution ring.

–

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    2 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      The structure should represent, the Main Character, an Event and his Action in response to that Event.

      This is a standard formula which works in almost every case.

      • 0
    2. Samurai

      I’d get rid of the “who might be a part of a prostitution ring” part.

      INTENTION: rescue his granddaughter.
      OBSTACLE: sex traffickers.

      It lacks a hook that separates it from “Taken”.

      How about…

      -? An escaped convict must rescue his granddaughter from the same sex traffickers, whom he inadvertently helped to break free. (I’m not sure if the hook/twist is strong enough here.)

      -? When his granddaughter is taken by sex traffickers, a convict, a former FBI agent, is given 24 hrs to find the men responsible. (We’ve got a ticking clock/deadline.)

      -? When his granddaughter is taken by sex traffickers, an ex-con returns to his old ways to find the men responsible. (Very tired and cliche.)

      – An ex-con must return to prison and kill a criminal mastermind or else sex traffickers will kill his granddaughter.

      (This is similar to BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99. Which may I add, is a pretty cool film ha.)

      Admittedly, none of these have that strong hook – but I’m spit balling.

      Good luck!

      • 0