Logliner
Posted: 2019-09-08T06:34:42+10:00 In:

A family of four moves into a house in a small town only to find out the house takes people when it takes one of the children. the family has to do all they can to save their child.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      “When their new house eats her son, a scared mother must traverse though the evil dwelling discovering it’s secrets in order to save her child and escape the house.”

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    2. Mentor

      Both the original logline and Riciev’s suggestion fit the screenplay for “Poltergeist” by Steven Spielberg.

      The motto to keep in mind is “The same thing, but different”. Being similar to Poltergeist means your story has a ready audience, now tell us what is different.

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    3. Samurai

      Like the previous version with “sucking people alive,” the “taking people” does not have a clear meaning. Wouldn’t it be better if you specifically stated what the family sees? Does the child disappear in a locked room? Does the child simply disappear? Then you will have to say “when the child disappears in their new home…”

      I agree with the Poltergeist argument, too.

      • 0
    4. Samurai

      A family of four may be main characters but they’re not a protagonist; single someone out and define them in some way. Make it clear what happens, what the stakes are, what has to be done, and do it in one sentence.

      • 0