A father?s poor decision causes a tragic event that haunts his son?s every move, leading him to a life of drugs and solitude.
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A father?s poor decision causes a tragic event that haunts his son?s every move, leading him to a life of drugs and solitude.
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The amount of detail suggested above is as a result of the logline not fulfilling its purpose yet.
Think of it as the very bare bones of your story all the rest of the detail could be gleaned from.
The main character’s goal should come about as a result of the inciting incident, and remain connected to it via a clear cause and effect relationship.
Here is an example:
If the inciting incident is his father killing the family, I don’t see the cause and effect that brings about him caring for a dog. I do, however, see the cause and effect of him wanting to put the father in jail to prevent him from killing (accidentally or on purpose) again.
This way it is clear enough to the reader what the main character’s action in the story will be – hunt down the fleeing criminal, and what the motivation is behind it.
Thanks for the input everyone it really helps. ?Something I’m stuck on is at what point do you draw the line between logline and an actual summary? ?Theses reviews are great but the amount of detail you are looking for seems to defeat the purpose of what a logline is..
He??wants to fight his addiction? for the sake of his relationship with his dog??? That’s it?? That’s all he wants to achieve?? That’s all the movie would be about?
It strikes me as the easier way, a path of lesser resistance and risk.????The harder way would be to risk?a relationship with his fellow homo sapiens.? Like a woman.
I think that a?story that an audience is more likely? to want to see? would be about a character who takes the biggest risk for his biggest dream.? What’s his biggest dream?
?I’m not against dogs, but?I? have no idea what the character wants to, needs to ?accomplish.?
Isn’t overcoming his addiction enough of a goal?? Well, it’s certainly would be a struggle to stop his drug abuse.
But that would only eliminate a negative in his life.??But one can’t live life in a vacuum, so what’s the positive replacement?
?Consider the movie “Lucy”.? It’s? about a lonely woman down on her luck?who tries desperately to keep her dog while struggling to raise the money to fix her? car so she can get to Alaska where she hopes to? find a job and start over.? She’s struggling to get somewhere and do something besides keep her dog.
But you need a goal or else there is no plot.
Think of a goal as a vital component not just an add on, it is the binding companion to the inciting incident.
Here is a quick re word of the latest draft to help:
After his criminal father accidentally kills his whole family, a depressed drug addict must…
Without a goal the logline is incomplete.
The main character sound interesting he has a clear flaw and a powerful inciting incident now he needs a well conceived goal.
Alas, the logline is too vague on?particulars to a get a?picture of what the story is about, what distinguishes it from any other story about children suffering from the sins and mistakes of their parents.??Specifically, what?was the poor decision?? Specifically, what is the tragic event?
How does “every move” translate into?a?specific course of action?? What is the specific?objective goal (right or wrong)?does the?son pursue as a result of what specifically?the father did?