A gangster keen to keep street credibility and protect his boss who wants to go legit will do anything including killing the bosses son.
CraigDGriffithsUberwriter
A gangster keen to keep street credibility and protect his boss who wants to go legit will do anything including killing the bosses son.
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This logline fails to describe a plot as it lacks an inciting incident and goal.
What does the gangster want to achieve specifically? He wants “street cred” but what does this look like? What does it mean?
A second problem is that there are two potential goals mentioned “…keen to keep street credibility…” and “…protect his boss…” which one is his primary goal that will drive him to take action in the story?
The description of the boss wanting to “…go legit…” is redundant as it is the inner journey goal of the boss not the main character.
Lastly why does he now need to keep his “street cred”? What made him need to do anything at the start of the story? What is the inciting incident?
Hope this helps.
The problem I am facing is it is an epic. Which means it is a story about a number of people against a backdrop.
The second in charge is the main motivator to story. But the son has most of the screen time. The boss is trying to build a legit empire, but his second in charge who is still very ‘street’ . He is keen to rule with an iron fist at the street level, which is undermining the boss.
When the bosses son gets in trouble the second in charge is willing to have him killed to be seen as tough.
These are a few beats, but there is a lot more happening.
So who is the MC?
If the gangster from the original logline is a baddy, and the son has most of the screen time, try writing the logline from the son’s POV.
“Protect his boss” is an open-ended goal. Typically, at the mid point this changes, and a more specific visual end goal is established.
Nir asked who the MC is. This is probably the most important question before moving to the next version of the logline.