Ignorance is bliss?
Genre: Comedy/Rom Com
Paul ClarkeSamurai
A gifted geneticist perfects the formula for increasing intelligence, but using it on his gorgeous but not so gifted wife he creates a cynical tyrant and his only competition for the Nobel Prize.
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I love the concept, the logline and, especially the title (sans question mark). I think it should be “…but BY using it…”. Also, I don’t get the cynical tyrant part, and it doesn’t seem necessary, therefore:
“A gifted geneticist perfects the formula for intelligence, but after testing it on his (dim-witted/dumb but gorgeous) wife, he creates his only competition for The Noble Prize!”
Great job, Paul Clarke!
Could make a great comedy.
I don’t think the II and antagonist are clearly defined more like insinuated:
MC – Gifted geneticist.
II – Him realizing the wife could get the Nobel prize.
AN – Bitchy wife.
Perhaps: “When aiming for the Nobel prize a downtrodden geneticist transforms his dim witted wife into a mad scientist and his only competition.”
tries an intelligence increasing formula on his dimwitted wife who in turn
What’s this “MC” and “II” nonsense? Are we on Twitter? I assume you mean “main character” (protagonist) and “inciting incident”.
I do not believe the “II” is when the “MC” realizes the wife could get the Noble Prize. It’s when he develops and gives her the formula that makes her more intelligent.
Actually my comment reads a bit stronger than I intended, as it was partially tongue-in-cheek, so no offense was meant. Sorry!
None taken.
I think we have a set vernacular used often in our posts for efficiency’s sake we could abbreviate it just as is done on any other board on the web.
Your welcome not to use it yourself.
You could be right about the II I thought it was when he realizes the threat because experimenting on her was in line with every thing he did until that point. The first time a dramatic change occurs that made him need to return his life back to normal was when she became a threat to his winning the Nobel Prize. As far as the story goes she becomes a threat only once he realizes it.
I guess this confusion points out a weakens in the logline.
Ha, yea it took me a moment to work out what MC was. But I’m glad you like it, and you both make some valuable points.
I think tyrant is the wrong word. Cynical is good. She would lose her carefree happy ways.
To be honest, I just came up with this one on the fly. I was really thinking about the relationship dynamic, and only added the Nobel Prize part at the last minute to give him and external goal. But I think that would really work. Shows how much use a logline can be.
And yes, I thought him giving her the formula would be the inciting incident. But again that shows up a problem, as the inciting incident should happen TO the protagonist, not something he chooses to do. So maybe the II is simply him accidentally discovering the formula. Maybe it was designed to do something else, and like a lot of great scientific discoveries, it has a side effect that is more useful. He would then consider giving it to her, and ultimately act 1 would end with him deciding to try it on her. It’s amazing how much structure can come from one sentence.
Thanks guys.
Yes you don’t know the power of the logline… until used on your own story.
In that case how about the II is when she announces her intent on wining the Nobel prize? little need be explained once he is presented with that prospect.