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NadsLogliner
A girls seeks plastic surgery to ‘glow up’ over summer break, only to corrupt herself and the world around her.
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Certainly a topical subject with a lot of dramatic potential.? But the premise is rather general.? It needs, uh, fleshing out, more specifics, more detail, a tighter focus.
Like how old is she?? And: what specific part of her anatomy does she want to “plasticize”?? Her nose, or…?
Does she actually get the surgery or is the plot about her struggle to persuade her parents to allow her to go under the knife? (The logline says is that “she seeks plastic surgery”; it doesn’t say she actually gets it.)
Also the logline frames the story primarily in terms of the blow back, the unintended consequences of the surgery.? And that vaguely: we are left utterly clueless as to how? she corrupts herself as well as her world.? “Corrupts herself and her world” can mean any one of a 1,001 consequences.? In a logline when terms can have a menu of possible meanings (pick one, dear reader)– then the term is meaningless as far as making the sale, getting movie makers to read the script.? Which is the primary purpose of a logline .
Anyway, of course, there are usually unintended consequences.? But a logline focuses on what the protagonist intends to accomplish, not what happens unintentionally. Plastic surgery is a means to an end, right? What is that end — what is her specific objective goal in having the surgery?? To join the “in group”, become popular?? To get a boyfriend?? Or…?
I suggest processing your logline through the site logline generator and see what the results are.
Agree with dpg.
Specificity is often the key to a good logline. Having a very clear understanding of the plot (at least until the midpoint or end of act II) is essential. Since the message here is going to be about vanity I imagine, it’s worth telling us specifically what is corrupted and then what she plans to do about it. This is potentially just the inciting incident. The corruption appears as she walks back into school first day back, and that’s the perfect Act I break. Entering the upside-down world. ?But what happens next?
Interesting though. Stick with it! I love a good high school coming of age film and this, as dpg has said, is certainly a topical subject.