A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.
Lionlambmeat BPenpusher
A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.
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“A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.”
Consider excluding?faces complex emotions and life-changing choices?and?who gave his life fighting. ?What you’ll have left are some key components you’ve already touched on: the MC, an inciting incident, and the antagonist.
Now all you have to do is say exactly what the MC does in response to this regime causing her mentor’s death; what specific action must the MC take that can take the place of?faces complex emotions and life-changing choices?
And if you must keep?who gave his life fighting,?try rewriting that in active voice instead of passive.
“A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.”
So what is the story about? What does she do? Does she want to overthrow the regime? As dpg said, there is no plot described.
The logline presents an inciting incident–the death of a mentor –for a 1st Act but falls short on delineating a 2nd Act, a plot that follows as a consequence.
A plot is about a choice a protagonist makes ?as a result of the inciting incident and the struggle that follows — not about “facing complex emotions and life-changing choices”, not about deciding to decide…. someday…. eventually by the 3rd Act, meanwhile suffering all the while.
So as a result of the mentor’s death, what decision does the disciple make and what is the struggle that follows? ?Who/what opposes the protagonist, threatens to defeat her? ?What’s at stake? ?What does she stand to gain by prevailing? ?What does she stand to lose by failing?