Penpusher
Posted: 2019-10-11T04:07:08+10:00 In:

A guilt-ridden psychiatrist delves into the occult to save his family when the evil spirit of a patient who killed himself haunts them.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      My first impression was that I liked it, but you needed to be more specific with what this “delving” entails.? I think all you need to do is replace it with something more concrete, like unlocking the secret to an occult ritual.

      “When a guilt-ridden psychiatrist’s family is threatened by the spirit of a former patient that killed himself, he must unlock the secret to an occult ritual to save them.”

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    2. Singularity

      I would start the logline with the inciting incident. Chronologically, this is what will happen first so it makes sense for that to the be the first thing you read.

      “When the spirit of a patient who killed himself haunts them, a guilt-ridden psychiatrist must….”

      How does delving into the occult save his family? I understand why he’s looking into the occult but what, specifically, is he trying to do? What specifically is he looking at within the occult? It’s a pretty broad topic. How specifically is this going to help him save his family?

      Evil spirits, the occult… feels more like a horror to me.

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