Logliner
Posted: 2017-02-22T01:53:52+10:00 In: ,

A man raised in space, and taught how to be human by a Russian cyborg chimpanzee, must help Elvis Presley protect his time machine from a jealous alien hell-bent on destroying the galaxy.

A man raised in space, and taught how to be human by a Russian cyborg chimpanzee, must help Elvis Presley protect his time machine from a jealous alien hell-bent on destroying the galaxy.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      The first man??born and raised and raped by an alien?on the International Space Station?& his lifelong teacher – a psychotic??Soviet Era built??Chimpborg (Cyborg-chimpanzee), are forced to help? Sivle Yelserp, (Elvis Presley in the 5th Dimension)? protect his time machine from a?musically challenged, jealous alien hell bent on destroying the Milky Way.

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    2. I’ve left a response on your newest revision of this.

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    3. Singularity

      I think you left out the AI system trying to destroy humanity – you certainly cover a lot of ground with sci-fi tropes…

      As Karel wrote, pair it down to an inciting incident and goal, I also suggest focusing on one sci-fi element at a time in the one logline.

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    4. Singularity

      As Karel said.

      And who is the movie audience for this movie? ?(Age the protagonist accordingly ?and specify in the logline.)

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    5. Samurai

      Hi Jim,

      You got me smiling while reading the logline. But it’s a hell of a lot to take in. Probably too much.

      We know a little backstory about our main character, but nothing about his ‘character’, i.e. psychology.

      First it seems that Elvis’ time machine is the stakes (it needs protection), but that’s immediately undone when it appears that the galaxy is at stake.

      Also, ‘jealous alien’ raises more questions than it answers.

      There is no clear inciting incident/catalyst to the story, either.

      Finally, will we be able to empathise/identify with a man who was “taught how to be human by a Russian cyborg chimpanzee”?

      All in all, I find it rather unwieldy. Can you reign it in, and focus on what is the core of the story?

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