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gdawg23
Posted: June 23, 20152015-06-23T02:10:39+10:00 2015-06-23T02:10:39+10:00In: Public

A jaded teenager is determined to uncover the truth of her reality after she detects glitches in the real world, which everyone else attributes to their augmented reality goggles.

Reality Glitch

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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-06-23T10:40:50+10:00Added an answer on June 23, 2015 at 10:40 am

      The inciting incident of detecting flitches in reality is very similar to that of The Matrix, how will you separate this enough to be an original idea?

      If detecting a glitch in reality is the inciting incident then best to mention it earlier in the logline before the goal not after the way it is now.

      For example:
      After detecting glitches in the real world a jaded teenager must [do some thing]…

      The goal is too vague, if she wants to uncover truths of her reality, what truths are these exactly? And how will she do this? More to the point though the motivation and and stakes are not clear. What is the worst that can happen if she doesn’t uncover the truth? What will happen if she does?

      The last part of the logline about every one else and their augmented goggles seams unrelated to the main plot and the logline could do with out it. The obstacle of other people not believing her appears to have little impact, if this is indeed a difficult obstacle to over come best to describe it as such or other wise leave it for the synopsis.

      Hope this helps.

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    2. Clint Cure Penpusher
      2015-06-23T10:53:55+10:00Added an answer on June 23, 2015 at 10:53 am

      I think you can drop the second line as well. Keep in mind the Matrix is in a long line of previous ‘reality may not be as it seems’ stories that Philip K Dick pioneered e.g. The Truman Show, Total Recall, Dark City. Maybe it just needs the inciting incident clarified more to give it some original context eg, she drops a glass and it stops mid air, she reaches for a light switch that was never there etc.

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