A jailed former wrestler, gets another chance in the spotlight by putting on wrestling shows in prison, but after his early parole, he struggles to cope without it.

Your revision //?When a former wrestler is released from prison, he makes national headlines, when he commits a crime to get sent back to the only place the spotlight still shines.

Is the story about him planning and committing the crime to end up back in prison? I’m not sure where the story takes place and I think you’ve lost the hook – wrestling shows in prison – that’s what I wanna see! I get that his goal is to get back to prison but with this version, in my opinion, it sounds like he simply gets released, commits a crime and then gets what he wants. Where’s the struggle? The goal has to be difficult for him to get, there has to be conflict and drama otherwise there is no story.

“the only place the spotlight still shines” there is nothing in this version that explains why he liked prison. We need a clue to understand why the protagonist is acting the way he is.

Think about where the bulk of your story takes place. Inside or outside the prison? What happens to kick start the story? What antagonistic forces are working against him? He’s willingly giving up his freedom so what’s he risking? Does he have a family? Friends? As the reader we have to care enough about this character to want to watch him achieve his goal and the logline has to give us something that alludes to what that is.

I hope that helps. Is the screenplay written already or is this just an idea?

As dpg said it’s getting incredibly close to The Wrestler – the entire daughter subplot is almost a carbon copy. But your synopsis has cleared a fair few things up and the hook is definitely the prison shows and this leading to a shot at the big time is great.

The inciting incident, at least to me, is when Francis starts wrestling in prison as that’s what kick starts his journey to his goal – ?to make it as a pro wrestler. There are a couple of things that bother me though. If his knee injury forced him to retire when he had nearly made it… why is this suddenly not an issue in prison where he doesn’t even have the weed to help? My other issue is that wrestling is a performance that relies on all performers being in on it. If he’s attacked by a gang of thugs for real – whilst he might be strong and formidable would he really be able to take them all on in a prison brawl? Personally – I’d love to see that scene but I think it would be more realistic if he loses this fight but the thug boss is impressed. If he wins, thug boss is gonna want revenge and that ain’t gonna end well. Maybe thug boss is a wrestling fan too – I feel like there has to be something that draws these two together.

Parallels could be drawn with the first Rocky film. The interesting thing with Rocky is that the inciting incident doesn’t occur til quite a way into the film. In your case I think a similar approach could work – taking time to establish him as a down-and-out wrestler, who smokes weed, never made it and then suddenly he finds himself in with a chance. Make sure it’s different enough though.

I’d seriously reconsider the daughter subplot. Potentially change it to something that’s not so familiar (son has also kinda been done in the Rocky films). Also, in the continuing hunt for a good logline – find your inciting incident, work out his goal and the antagonistic forces and what he stands to lose.