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Alan SmitheePenpusher
Posted: October 18, 20202020-10-18T17:55:00+10:00 2020-10-18T17:55:00+10:00In: Fantasy

A jock, a hopeless romantic, and a cynic discover they each have supernatural powers beyond their imagination – and that they all love the same girl.

Title: Veil of a Dream

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2020-10-20T00:08:36+10:00Added an answer on October 20, 2020 at 12:08 am

      But does she love any one of them? Ultimately, isn’t it her choice as to who she permanently hooks up with?

      Whoever has to make the pivotal decision that determines the outcome owns the story, hence should own the logline. So I suggest reframing the logline around her as the central/pivotal character. She faces a dilemma of having to choose between 3 equally cool, equally desirable fab-boys? Which one will *she* finally choose. No one boy has the total package.

      Also, it’s stronger if the logline says that the boys have *unique* superpowers. Characters need defining characteristics that differentiate. (However, because in loglines it’s about less being more, there’s no space to specify what they are. That will have to be spelled out in the pitch, developed in the script.)

      And since they have super powers, what is their super job? When they aren’t fighting against each other over her, what are they fighting for in unison? All super dudes have to have a super job, a super heroic quest/struggle they have to fulfill? It’s in the job description.

      fwiw

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