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I am unable to untangle what the story is about, what the plot is.
Suffice it to say in regards to:
>>>struggles to learn
Loglines are about what a protagonist struggles to DO (objective goal) — not about what she must learn (subjective issue).
I have to agree with dpg. It’s never good when a logline has to be deciphered.
Who is the main character?
What do they want?
What sets the story in motion? And,
Who or what is standing in their way?
Agreed with DPG and Richiev.
Your answers to Richiev’s questions don’t add any new information as they don’t describe the missing story elements in a practical sense.? For example, you wrote that what the MC wants is to “…Run from her past…”. This isn’t a single goal it’s an ongoing action – she could continue running for years, there’s no definitive?ending to it. Also, what does run from her past mean, in practical terms? Hide from people she once knew? distance herself from lovers or family? Avoid the authorities?
I suggest you read up on loglines and revisit this concept with a more specific set of descriptions – one motivating inciting incident, an action she has to take and one goal. Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more details on logline conventions.
Sorry, your story is so unclear I simply can’t make any useful suggestions at this point.
I think you really need to pay attention to the industry conventions we’ve been discussing on your post and others. Clarity is everything in a logline – I mean that – clarity in a logline will motivate a decision maker to read your script more than the concept – SERIOUSLY – I’m not just saying that.
I can’t tell you how important the ‘Aha!’ moment is for a producer after hearing your logline. Over the years, it’s gotten me more read requests than times when I told someone a logline and they didn’t get that ‘I get it moment’ on their own.
You need an inciting incident (that means one SINGLE out of the ordinary event) that motivates the main character to take action towards achieving a clear goal.
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab for more details.
From what you have written I still don’t know what the lead character must do, so here is an attempt at a logline but without that one element (Because I really don’t know what it is)
———————————————————————
“When an evil being set’s out to control reality itself, a lonely waitress who is secretly the last of the elven race must (Do this thing) in order to stop him.”
What you can also do, is a bit of an intro:
In a world, where a essential mystical energy sustains all life, a lonely waitress with a dark past, discovers, only she can defeat a superhuman nemesis, bent on destroying this source and must face him in paranormal combat.
Am I on to something?