Proxy
Knightrider1984Penpusher
A loving family man must go on the run after a powerful government program uses him as a proxy to commit murder. Now, in order to expose the truth, he'll have to reveal his own dark and secretive past.
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The inciting incident isn’t entirely clear, as the proxy was he inadvertently responsible for the murder? Or was he framed for a murder he had nothing to do with?
The MC description doesn’t need loving this is implied by defining him as a family man. The dark past description needs to be more specific to clarify the stakes of revealing what he was before becoming a law abiding family man. Also his dark past presumably as a spy, black ops operative or a hit man isn’t relevant to the logline this could be used to flesh out the idea in the synopsis or treatment. You could though maybe allude to his background in the logline.
Better to simplify the logline by having someone frame him to make him need to prove his innocence.
If he is being framed for something he didn’t do Perhaps start with that:
After a family man is framed for the murder of a diplomat by his former special forces commander he must go on the run to prove his innocence.
Hope this helps.
The inciting incident isn’t entirely clear, as the proxy was he inadvertently responsible for the murder? Or was he framed for a murder he had nothing to do with?
The MC description doesn’t need loving this is implied by defining him as a family man. The dark past description needs to be more specific to clarify the stakes of revealing what he was before becoming a law abiding family man. Also his dark past presumably as a spy, black ops operative or a hit man isn’t relevant to the logline this could be used to flesh out the idea in the synopsis or treatment. You could though maybe allude to his background in the logline.
Better to simplify the logline by having someone frame him to make him need to prove his innocence.
If he is being framed for something he didn’t do Perhaps start with that:
After a family man is framed for the murder of a diplomat by his former special forces commander he must go on the run to prove his innocence.
Hope this helps.
Thanks for your help, I will look to rework it. I guess I want to get across in my logline that he is framed as when he committed the murder he wasn’t in control of his body at the time. So, the assassin would load himself into a person, who may have the target’s trust etc, and simply walk in and do the deed, once done the assassin transfers the person back in.
So, the film will be able proving your innocence when everybody saw him do it.
Thanks for your help, I will look to rework it. I guess I want to get across in my logline that he is framed as when he committed the murder he wasn’t in control of his body at the time. So, the assassin would load himself into a person, who may have the target’s trust etc, and simply walk in and do the deed, once done the assassin transfers the person back in.
So, the film will be able proving your innocence when everybody saw him do it.
A family man struggles on the lam to prove his innocence after a corrupt futuristic government implants the consciousness of a hired assassin into his body to commit a murder.
A family man struggles on the lam to prove his innocence after a corrupt futuristic government implants the consciousness of a hired assassin into his body to commit a murder.
That’s great a really like this version.
That’s great a really like this version.