Too Much Love Can Kill You
sanidya26Penpusher
A man secretly aware of his wife's affair with his rich and handsome boss, plots to murder him and eventually poison his wife and himself.
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So a man plotting two murders and his own suicide is up against what? What gets in the way of his achieving his aim? This feels like half a story to me. Something’s missing.
And I will want to watch a movie with murderous and suicidal objective goals because…?
Come on dpg we all want to see bad people doing bad things, that the mainstay of the crime and horror genres.
We need to know about what happens during the execution of his plan (pardon the pun). His plan is not his story. I feel we are missing the BUT and and explanation.
>>Come on dpg we all want to see bad people doing bad things
Of course. I am as much a voyeur of human pathos as anyone.
>>> the mainstay of the crime and horror genres.
So what makes this storyline stand out from a very crowded field?
This logline doesn’t inspire interest as it fails to illustrate a plot.
In the logline a man plans to kill and then commit suicide but no specifics are mentioned. Kill how and where? What stands in his way? How will this be challenging? Why now? When did he discover the affair? Inciting incident? Obstacle? Goal?
A man is a perfectly generic description for a main character, what is different and or unique about this man? What is hi flaw? What will be his inner journey?
Hope this helps.
Hi guys … I’m new to writing loglines and your guidelines (however blunt they may be) are really helpful. All noted. Do keep them coming. Thanks a ton 🙂