A migrant worker has to return back home unexpectedly after 5 years to look after his child when he finds out his wife has eloped with a stranger and all his savings. On the quest while finding his wife, he finds out that the child actually is not his own son.
vinPenpusher
A migrant worker has to return back home unexpectedly after 5 years to look after his child when he finds out his wife has eloped with a stranger and all his savings. On the quest while finding his wife, he finds out that the child actually is not his own son.
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This is very long and I think a good rewrite could whip it into shape. Rewriting it to be clear and concise is the key to a good logline for me, getting to the barebones of the story and typically loglines are only one sentence. And
example of this could be:
A migrant worker attempts to care for his son when his wife takes off with another man and all the savings.
I think ink you could even leave the twist out or cleverly work it in but to me it raises more questions than answers and things start getting very convaluted. Hope this helps.
As it is now the logline reads more like a series of events in a typical soap – lots of melodrama very little stakes. Once he learns she cheated on him and took off with the money, why does he care about her? Let her go and move on I say, more so once he (somehow) discovers the kid isn’t his. The dramatic impact is greater than the stake and therefore it comes across as melodrama not drama.
To solve this best you focus the logline, and subsequently the concept, on one goal – either he wants the wife back or the money or the kid. All the rest can be obstacles delegated to expansion in the synopsis.
What was the article? A headline could be a good starting point for your logline. Thing of your logline as a subtitle for your movie.