Penpusher
Posted: 2013-07-30T11:37:13+10:00

A nerdy kid from New York City moves to Oakland and tries to get the most popular girl in school to ask him out.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      This is a very solid logline. The genre is clear, the protag is there (complete with flaw) and the goal is pretty obvious.

      The only thing (and this is me being picky) is maybe putting in why he wants the most popualr girl in the school to ask him out.

      Is the inciting incident his move to New York? or is it the event that forces him to realise that he needs the most popular girl to ask him out?

      It just feels a little thin right now and i think this could make it a little better…but i still think its a great premise. good luck

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    2. Singularity

      And struggling to get her to ask him is a wimpy, passive. That’s being true to his flaw, but his struggle should be to overcome his flaw and ask her out.

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    3. This logline has a clear concept and genre.

      What I’m not clear on is why the kid wants the most popular girl in school to ask him out: what’s driving him to do this?

      I’m also wondering what this kid is up against: who are the kid’s rivals? What is his flaw that he must overcome?

      And how old are these kids? A 13 year-old trying to get the 17 year-old prom queen to date him is a very different movie compared to two 17 year-olds protagonists.

      Also, what’s the girl really like? She’s popular, but is she nice or does she treat people like dung?

      Finally: why mention Oakland and New York City? It doesn’t strike me as being important, because it doesn’t add much to the characters.

      I don’t agree that the protagonist’s aim to get the most popular girl in school to ask him out would make him passive: I can see it making him extremely active, and force him to change. (I think a similar idea ? outsider kid getting popular girl to ask him out ? was used in Some Kind of Wonderful (1987, writer John Hughes).)

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