A paraplegic woman, with no memory what happened, investigates her own past and collides with a nocturnal vigilante who may hold the answers.
candersonmLogliner
A paraplegic woman, with no memory what happened, investigates her own past and collides with a nocturnal vigilante who may hold the answers.
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When an amnesiac paraplegic investigates…
Wait! what specifically is your nocturnal vigilante
Doesn’t her collision with some one who may hold the answers seem out of place?
It could work if you set up the “fiction potential” of your plot from the logline’s beginning
After encountering a nocturnal vigilante, an amnesiac paraplegic starts investigates her unusual past only to encounter _____________?
Which brings us to “what is your conflict?” (it might fit in that blank)
Cryptic descriptions don’t serve the purpose of a logline. “…a nocturnal vigilante…” – is this a superhero? A normal Jo Shmo taking on some bad guys? The type of vigilante is critical and should be made clear – Batman is very different to Dexter…
“…who may hold the answers…” – well does he or she? Clarity and definitive descriptions will sell your concept more than vague or suggestive statements.
Other than that, what is the inciting incident and what is her goal? These are the most important elements in a logline and are currently missing – checkout the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar.
Agree with Nir Shelter.? A logline is a blatant sales pitch,? not a teaser,; it’s no place to hide or merely imply a key story element.? Logline readers? are industry deal makers who want to know in no uncertain terms what the story is about. Which is another way of saying they want to know exactly what objective goal the protagonist is pursuing.
What is her objective goal in searching her past?? What is the dramatic problem she MUST solve?