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allal El AlaouiLogliner
Posted: June 17, 20132013-06-17T22:16:46+10:00 2013-06-17T22:16:46+10:00In: Public

A peasant becomes soldier and decides to go to war in Sahara and fights alone because a man of authority snatches his first love. Rejected by death, a ghost suddenly appears to him, just to advise him to leave his place to find another love. When meets her ,both decide to get married but confronted by fierce and unpitiful rapist .

soldier

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    2 Reviews

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    1. Tony Edward Samurai
      2013-06-18T09:53:54+10:00Added an answer on June 18, 2013 at 9:53 am

      Still too long-winded — for a logline you need to squeeze the essence of the story into ONE sentence if possible — two at most:

      “A broken-hearted peasant with a death-wish joins an army in the Sahara, only to be confronted by a ghost that tells him he must save his one true love from a violent rapist.”

      …but this is still too long, and possibly not an accurate description of your story — but I hope it helps.

      Good luck.

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    2. Andrew Bates Logliner
      2013-06-21T08:47:22+10:00Added an answer on June 21, 2013 at 8:47 am

      I agree with Tony.
      The logline is to long and very cluttered.
      In a logline focus on one protagonist and one Antagonist ( …the Man of Authority and the fierce rapist…that’s two)
      What are the hero’s flaws? (apart from being a peasant)
      As a guide keep your logline from 24-28 words.

      Good luck.

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