A photo safari guide enlists the help of his daughter and her billionaire husband to find an historic treasure near Kilimanjaro. What they find is astonishing, and nearly costs them everything.

This is kinda like a cross between a logline and a tagline. It’s incredibly vague and definitely in need of clarity.

At what point do they make the discovery of the treasure? If it’s at the end of the second act, we need more information about their quest and why it’s difficult to find this treasure. If it’s at the midpoint, we need a clear midpoint reversal in the logline (“but when blah blah blah they must change their goal”). If it’s earlier than the midpoint then it’s likely to be the inciting incident and we need the goal which is set up by this discovery.

Can you give us something more about our protagonist? Why is he a photo safari guide? What relevance does that have to the story? If he’s treasure hunting, surely archeologist makes more sense?

What stands in their way? At the moment, we have something which hints at antagonistic forces but with no solid understanding of who or what these are and no idea what’s really at stake other than “everything”.

Hope this helps.