A rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas.
CharlieKenmorePenpusher
A rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas.
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I was immediately hooked by the character, “a rapier wielding Latina vigilante”. ?I like the fact that the protagonist is a strong female character.
In fact, the idea that immediately came to my mind was: ?think and write beyond a one-off feature film. ?Think and write in terms of a franchise or series. ?Franchises and series are built around strong, interesting characters, and I think she has the potential to be one.
Whatever?way you want to go, ?I suggest that the logline be refashioned to focus on an??origin story. ?That is, ?the inciting incident that turned her from an ordinary Latina into a rapier wielding, ass-kicking, “mucho macho” Latina. ? For example, ?a younger sister is kidnapped for a sex trafficking ring. ?Make it not just a matter of justice, but personal.
Good luck with developing a story for the character. ?I think she’s a winner.
“A rapier wielding Latina vigilante disrupts the plans of a drug and human trafficking gang that uses fake ICE vehicles and gear to kidnap undocumented Latinas.”
I, for one, do not think you should make this into an origin story. One of the biggest complaints I see about superhero/vigilante stories is that all of them are cookie-cutter origin stories. Doctor Strange, for example, is said to be “Iron Man with magic”. So unless it is something different and unique I would find a different angle.
While I’m against an origin story, a personal connection would help. Or at least something dramatic, something like she sees a girl get kidnapped in front of her. Also, while I don’t think a traditional origin story is the way to go, I think a small-scale, personal story that is an introduction into this world, one that can built upon and turned into a franchise is a good idea. By that I mean not too many characters, not too big of stakes.
My last thought on the story is that the weak link from what I can see is the antagonist. Is there a specific character who is the face of the organization? Whether it’s the top dog or one of his/her lieutenants? An onscreen presence who is able to challenge the protagonist?(Another criticism common of superhero/vigilante stories. Especially Marvel Cinematic Universe movies.) Something I recommend is making a separate logline from the perspective of the antagonist.
Now, onto the logline. It is vague. What does “disrupts” mean? What is it that we watch her doing onscreen? Go on a murder spree? Or does she destroy the drugs? Does she break into the places the women are held to free them? Something specific should be used here.
Also, in order to create a personal stake in the story, an inciting incident could help. (When her sister is kidnapped by a trafficking gang…) But I think the hook and characters of your story are strong enough that you don’t necessarily require one.
The best films are about characters who are forced to grow, who change, who are not just stamped out sui generis from a superhero template. I think the character needs an origin story in terms of an inciting incident that triggers a character transformation and explains why/how she becomes a vigilante.
A lot of dramatic interest is forfeited if she makes her 1st appearance on the screen as a fully formed rapier wielding vigilante. ? The audience will want to know how she became this way. ? There has to be a compelling emotional reason why she is a vigilante and that needs to be established before we see the action that follows from that emotion.
The weaker way is slam the brakes on the main rescue story half way through for an expository flashback. ?The stronger way is to launch the story with an inciting incident that sets in motion her character arc and her objective goal.
And I think there is a mother lode of ?raw dramatic material in the real lives and struggles of the undocumented immigrant population in the US from which to mine a narrative that is anything but ?a “cookie-cutter” origin story.
“The audience will want to know how she became this way. ?”
I’m not saying anything different. I’m only saying that a lot of the audience wouldn’t want a 2 hour movie about, unless, like I said it had something new and different to offer.
“And I think there is a mother lode of ?raw dramatic material in the real lives and struggles of the undocumented immigrant population in the US from which to mine a narrative that is anything but ?a ?cookie-cutter? origin story.”
While it is an interesting angle, what’s something different it could offer? Does a family member die forcing her to take up the rapier to fight crime? Does a family member get kidnapped and she has to rescue them using her “particular set of skills?” The movie “Taken”, when it was released, had no origin story for Bryan Mills, he was a fully formed character at the beginning. I can’t comment on his character arc because it’s been a long time since I’ve seen it, but a character arc doesn’t rely on an origin story. Look at Star Wars, Darth Vader was loved as a strong villain and then ‘ruined’ by seeing his origin.
What hooked you, what you want to see, is a woman with a weapon taking on bad guys. That’s what hooked you, not watching an hour or more of her learning to use a weapon and then spending thirty minutes taking on the bad guys.
Of course, if the origin story is something unique and exciting, something other than “family member gets kidnapped/killed, forcing the protagonist to?to develop their skills in order to fight back”, then the more interesting story is the one presented here.
Dkpough1:
>>>That?s what hooked you, not watching an hour or more of her learning to use a weapon and then spending thirty minutes taking on the bad guys.
Uh, no. ?
What hooked me is the character (a rapier wielding Latina) ?in her context (not only the plight of undocumented immigrants but also a a female heroine in a machismo culture) . IMHO, that context remains woefully unexplored in mainstream American cinema.
>>>The movie ?Taken?, when it was released, had no origin story for Bryan Mills
Didn’t need one. He was ?(obviously) a ?middle-aged hombre. ?All that the audience needed to know was that he was a retired CIA officer. The audience could fill in the blanks, believe he had the skills and experience to rescue his daughter and kill her abductors.
A better comparison ?for this concept might be the 1st episode of the “Hunger Games” trilogy.
Agreed with Dkpough1.
I think the logline is vague and needs to focus on the details of the story at hand, and only if necessary describe her backstory. What got my attention was the rapier-wielding vigilante part – I love a good sword fight.
I don’t care about the MC’s gender or race, I do care about their story. Gender and race should only play a part in the logline if they are crucial to the plot. In this instance, the MC is fighting human trafficking from Latin America, as such, her being Latin American is relevant but not crucial to the plot. Perhaps best to specify that she is a former slave trade escapee, this way the freedom fighting aspect of her story becomes personal and justifies mentioning her cultural background in the logline.
I would also drop the drug smuggling detail, best to hone in on the principle actions in the story – her fighting human trafficking. If you mention the drugs it comes across as if she is fighting drug smuggling as well and that dilutes her plot.
Dkpough1:
Luke Skywalker was shown learning how to use the Force. ?Over the course of 2 movies. ?Now why did George Lucas do that?
>>>I don?t care about the MC?s gender or race, I do care about their story. Gender and race should only play a part in the logline if they are crucial to the plot
Gender and ethnic identity are not only relevant but crucial to the plot of this logline. ?And women –half the population — are grossly under represented in cinema in terms of major character roles other than as love objects, which translates into a under served market demographic.
Latinos are a burgeoning demographic and are likewise under served market in the US. ?This story could also play well in the Latin American movie market. ?The story line is topical, to say the least.
It’s show business?and it makes sense economically to develop stories that appeal to these demographics.
“…It?s show business?and it makes sense economically to develop stories that appeal to these demographics…”
Good stories sell – women, men, white or black won’t change that. As long as the writer serves the story they will serve the audience, specifying gender and race, unless critical to the plot, serves no purpose in a logline. The audience won’t necessarily pay to see a movie because it has a Latina actor, writer, director or producer, but they will pay if they’re told by a friend or online that it’s a good story.
As I mentioned above, the MC’s cultural heritage in this instance is related but not critical to the plot. My point was that a white person or Afro-American or Native American could all be the MC who saves people from slave traders – the ethnicity and gender are simply not relevant. However, if the MC was somehow personally connected to the kidnapping she is fighting then it could warrant a mention in the logline. Perhaps she herself or her family were taken by the gang years before. She needs to have a personal stake that resulted from her ethnicity in order for it to be mentioned in the logline.