Roland’s Magic Hot Air Balloon
Kishimoto.PiPenpusher
A reckless fourteen-year-old aeronaut plans on breaking out his orphan keeper from a foreign prison using a magic hot air balloon.
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This is a really intriguing idea!
The term “his orphan keeper” is confusing. It’s not a term really used in English so can you clarify who this character is and what their relationship to the protagonist is? Is the orphan keeper the 14 year old’s legal guardian, mother figure, father figure? Or are they the person who runs the orphanage? If that’s the case you could use something like this:
An orphaned young aeronaut is thrilled to find his hot air balloon has mystical powers and plots to use this magic in a daring attempt to break his loving father figure out of prison.
I hope this is helpful!
First off, I just want to say thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate you taking the time to give your opinion and suggestions!
Second, to clarify “his orphan keeper” and the relationship he has with her, Her name is Jessie and she ran an orphanage where she met Roland the fourteen-year-old. The two grew a strong bond and Jessie became like an older sister to Roland.
I just don’t know how I would go about wording that relationship in a logline.
Again, thank you for your review and your suggestion is very helpful.
Good points from Jay_Bird, also amp up this “foreign prison”.
Example:
“An orphaned young aeronaut sets out to break his soul-sister OR surrogate sister from Minefield prison using a magic hot-air balloon”