A reluctant babysitter tries to spook his little sister, telling a gruesome bedtime story of a young girl?s perilous journey through a dangerous kingdom carrying her father?s living head, in search of his fleeing body.

There are a few problems with this logline, and the biggest one is the story within a story framework.

You mentioned The Princess Brid, that’s a great example. If you were to ask people what that film was about, most of them would say the story of Butter Cup and Wesley, not the grandfather and sick boy. As such, the logline would describe the main story in the film (medieval times) not the modern day framework one and I think you should do the same. If you try and cram the framework story in with the medieval plot into the one logline, you’ll essentially be describing two separate (albeit connected via theme) plots – a big no-no for loglines.

To that matter, best you describe the girl’s story to make her father whole again – start at the beheading, then her action to find the body (how will she find it) and finally her goal to reconnect the head (however she does it).