Penpusher
Posted: 2022-08-25T07:20:18+10:00 In:

A reluctant rail enthusiast embarks across the country by trains to save a girl with supernatural abilities from an organization that will commit inhumane experiments on her.

Title: TO SAVE A CLASS ONE

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    4 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Hi RailGamm97,

      This is how I see it:

      To hide a girl with supernatural abilities from a shady organization and save her from their lethal experimentations, a man reluctantly takes her on a train journey across the country.

      If so, use the above logline as a template and re-write.

      Good Luck
      I hope this helps.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      Your logline is missing the inciting incident.

      If the lead character is reluctant to travel across the country, then why is the lead doing it? What prompts the lead to go that far out of his way in order to save… ‘a girl’

      We are not talking about his sister, his lover, his mom, or his daughter, he is just saving… a girl, an unrelated stranger. (I know this because if it was personal, if the person was someone he cared deeply about then it would be in the logline)

      Why? How does he even discover this girl is in trouble? Why doesn’t he just call the police? Why is it up to him?

      If the lead is reluctant, what compels him to travel all the way across the country… It must be something good and therefore should be in the logline. (And thus compel us to want to go along for the ride)

      Your logline is missing the inciting incident.

      • 0