My version of FRAILTY
Billy14Samurai
A renegade priest confesses to a detective the origin story of his uncanny ability to put “The Fear of God” into any man. (23)
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Rather than say that this is about someone’s origin story, describe the origin story in the logline. What’s the conflict? Who’s the antagonist? What is the protagonist’s goal? What’s the inciting incident which causes them to pursue this goal? Or, if the origin story isn’t the main conflict, then what is? What conflict does the priest face?
By saying that this is your version of Fraility, I assume you mean the 2002 film directed by Bill Paxton. I also assume you don’t have the rights to this property, so you mean it as a comparison rather than an actual origin story of characters in that film. If that’s the case, then you set up an important question: What’s the hook? What is different about your film than Frailty?
This logline does very little to convey what the plot of the movie is going to be about. It also needs ?to convey the motivations of the characters.
Understood. I’ll rework it and post here. Thanks for your help.
I concur with Dkpough1’s points. The big question is my mind is : what is the hook? ?What differentiates this movie from “Frailty” (other than different characters)?
Another point I would like to make is that ?I’m assuming that in both your story and in the movie “Frailty” (which I have not seen) the confession is a framing device for telling the plot of the film — but it is not a core element of the plot. ?The plot is about what actually happens, what the story is really about — not about how a character tells what happened.
A logline is ?a statement of the plot — not the framing device.
fwiw
A fiery priest confesses to a skeptical detective the origin story of his, sometimes deadly, power to completely reform man from his wicked ways. (24)
The origin story is the A Story. The confession is the B Story.
That’s why I used Frailty as an example because the structure is almost identical.
A fiery priest confesses to a skeptical detective the origin story of his, sometimes fatal, power to completely reform evil men
The hook is when the priest is arrested in front of his congregation and dragged out of church.
If the confession is the B story, it shouldn’t be in the logline. The logline should only describe the A story, or at least the story that is the most compelling, which is usually the A story. If the A story is the origin story, which sounds more interesting, then describe it. Describe that conflict.
You’re confusing the hook at the beginning of the story, the narrative hook, and the hook of the concept.
The hook during the movie, what makes the viewer invested is completely different.
The hook of the concept is what’s different, unique. A twist on a well-trod concept, a new idea, a spin on another successful idea.
For example, I assume you’ve at least heard of Groundhog Day.
Well, in 2014 a film called Edge of Tomorrow was released. And though that film is based on a manga, what likely got it made, what got interest, is that it’s concept boils down to “Groundhog Day…with aliens.”
So far, your logline would give a producer a reason to check out “Frailty”. Why should they read your script?
Not sure what this story is about.
A man confesses to an FBI agent his family’s story of how his religious fanatic father’s visions led to a series of murders to destroy supposed “demons.”
This is the logline I’m working with from IMDB. Does this work according to loglineit rules? If not, how would you change it? (For those who have seen the movie).
I really need help with this. I want to get it done so I can start writing already.
Yours sincerely
Billy14
IMDb doesn’t usually list loglines, but blurbs. Blurbs are meant to convince an audience to watch a product. A logline is used to sell a script to a movie maker. Study the Formula tab at the top of the page for the general structure. A logline should convey the plot, the main character, and it should have some element that hooks the movie maker into wanting to read the script.
I suggest not looking at this other film. I suggest doing what you want with your story, because otherwise it will look like a ripoff. An homage is one thing, but you should distance yourself from Frailty, not keep going back to it.
In order to become more familiar with loglines, I suggest looking at and reviewing other people’s posts. Can you identify what’s wrong and why? Doing this means you understand it better. Especially take a look at the Examples, try to find loglines of films or television shows you’ve seen so you can even better understand how the elements of the logline work.
Yes, IMDB descriptions are technically blurbs, not loglines.
Blurbs are designed to get movie viewers to watch the movie. ?Loglines are designed to get movie producers to make the films. ?Two ?different markets; two different requirements.
I get the sense you want to hold back on stating what the priest’s uncanny ability is.??Let me put it this way: ?if the priest’s “uncanny ability” is something that is not revealed until the 3rd Act, then it shouldn’t be in the logline because it constitutes a spoiler, a Big Reveal. ?And loglines should not contain spoilers that give away the Big Reveals or Surprise Twist of the 3rd Act.
But if the priest’s “uncanny ability” is established earlier, if it motivates the action, from the 2nd Act onward, then it needs to be revealed in the logline ?– not hinted at ?– but spelled out. ? Because ?his “uncanny ability” is what drives the plot. It’s the hook. ?Hooks need to be dangled in front of the logline reader, like you would a fish hook. ?You don’t get fish to bite by withholding the fish hook; likewise, you don’t reel in movie producers and directors by withholding the story hook.
fwiw
Billy14,
A logline is a description of a plot, and a plot is a sequence of events and actions taken towards a single goal.
So, if you want some help with this logline, here are a few questions you’ll need to answer before anyone here will be able to give you concrete advice about your logline:
What is your MC’s flaw?
What is your MC’s inciting incident?
What is your MC’s main action?
What is your MC’s goal?