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Foxtrot25Uberwriter
Posted: August 17, 20172017-08-17T01:07:40+10:00 2017-08-17T01:07:40+10:00In: SciFi

A retired astronaut must overcome an emotional disability to save seven world leaders trapped inside of a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.

A retired astronaut must overcome an emotional disability to save seven world leaders trapped inside of a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-08-19T08:26:48+10:00Added an answer on August 19, 2017 at 8:26 am

      All great advice and points taken with validity. I wrote this with family as the main component that drives the will to survive. I simply put people in harms way and force them to deal with more crap after even more crap.

      Currently, it is battling in the page awards semi-final round.

      Logline wise, I never felt good about my choices or any newer versions. It is currently using:

      A retired astronaut must overcome an emotional impairment to help save seven world leaders trapped on a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-08-18T13:26:39+10:00Added an answer on August 18, 2017 at 1:26 pm

      Foxtrot25:

      A fundamental challenge of this premise, as in genres that set up alternate worlds and narratives to the world we know ?(scifi and fantasy are two of the common ones) is that it requires laying out a lot of backstory for the logline to make sense. ?Which contradicts the principle that every logline should be able to stand on its own, independent of any ?knowledge of the backstory.

      Frankly, I find aspects of the backstory more interesting, or at least potentially so, than the premise. ?For instance, why does the peace conference have to take place on the moon? ?Well, what if it’s where the lucky few elitists fled to after the earth became inhospitable because of the nuclear war? ?Now they are negotiating the terms to divide up and recolonized the earth.

      Anyway, what’s the personal hook for you in your story? ?What is there about the story that you find so interesting, so compelling that you MUST tell it? ?What’s the itch you gotta scratch in this story? ?What is the theme you wish to explore?

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    3. Roberto Alto Logliner
      2017-08-17T22:43:05+10:00Added an answer on August 17, 2017 at 10:43 pm

      Event – Character – Action is a good rule of thumb. Maybe (event) the world leaders are in a space station that – it is discovered- is on the pathway of a missile attack or an asteroid and there’s a faulty component in the apparatus so only one person can be rescued at a time? Maybe the protagonist (character) is retired and has a particular bias about leaders of some countries vs others and this influences him from the outset? Maybe he (action) sets out to hide his bias because he wants to be memorialized as a true hero but it is soon discovered what his real intentions are and he has to redeem himself? So, the logline could read like this: When a space station hosting seven world leaders loses all energy- and it is discovered that in 24 hours it will be destroyed by an asteroid – the technician who help built it, a racist retired astronaut who despises three of the four leaders, battles his own demons and devices a complicated solution when he discovers he can only save three people at a time. I think equating racism with emotional disability works.

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    4. DanielSturman Logliner
      2017-08-17T20:28:42+10:00Added an answer on August 17, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      I’ve read you’re comments, and I have some suggestions?for you:

      1. Retired suggests he is old, whereas you have implied elsewhere that he left space based on a an emotional disorder, so make that point.
      2. You say the story is set in a future where space travel is common, yet you call him an astronaut, which isn’t what we would call Ellen Ripley or Han Solo.

      How about this:
      A withdrawn?ex-space pilot must re-enter the supersonic ship that nearly killed him?so he can?stop the?space station crashing into earth.

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    5. dpg Singularity
      2017-08-17T02:45:23+10:00Added an answer on August 17, 2017 at 2:45 am

      What are 7 world leaders doing off world, in outer space? ?In the same space station, no less?

      Also what “right stuff” has a retired, emotionally crippled astronaut got that all the circulating, non-emotionally crippled astronauts don’t that uniquely qualifies him for the mission?

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