-A retired Police officer hires two thieves to capture a cruel dacoit to take personal revenge
msc230278Penpusher
-A retired Police officer hires two thieves to capture a cruel dacoit to take personal revenge
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A few things jump out at me.
Why would a cop hire someone to do what he is readily capable of?
WTF is a dacoit?
Thieves steal. If the cop is the protagonist then don’t remove his story drive and have him give it away to someone else, unless there is a damn good reason for it, like he’s physically incapable of doing it himself.
A dacoit is an Indian term for a member of a gang of armed robbers. ?So that’s the context of the story.
What the logline needs to clarify is the motive. What is the inciting incident that provokes the retired officer to get revenge? ?Revenge for what?
And since he’s outsourcing the dirty work, he’s also outsourcing the personal risk. ? The protagonist always becomes the character who takes the greatest risk, whose life is in greatest jeopardy. ?Who is the character the movie audience is going to be watching and worrying about the most? ?The retired cop or the dacoit hired to do the job?
Who is the real protagonist of this story?
Not that my ignorance of a word meaning is an excuse, but loglines are meant to super-communicate the story idea in a brief swipe of the pen. I wouldn’t use words that would hinder that cause with probably a large population of viewers — more than 50%, I would think.
>>Not that my ignorance of a word meaning is an excuse
The normal rule. But there are exceptions. I take this story to be tailored to a specific movie production market, India and Southeast Asia. And I presume the producers/directors in India would have no problem with the word.
SHIVA THE DESTROYER –
Nothing is what it seems in the seedy underbelly of Mumbai when a retired cop with a score to settle decides to hire two skilled thieves to snare the sadistic leader of a rival band of armed robbers.
It goes without saying that nothing is what it seems in drama.
?So it’s unnecessary to say so.
I think I saw this movie, It was an Indian western and really well made. (I forget the name though)
Let me try to re-write it from the point of view of the thieves:
—–
“When two happy-go-lucky ex-cons are hired by a respected retired police officer, they must protect his quaint town and their new found loves from a gang of ruthless killers.”
Happy go lucky ex cons? They got caught and have served time, how happy can they be about that?
Two ?ex-cons, long removed from their life of crime, must help a sheriff defend his town from killers… (that want to do something for a reason.)
Foxtrot25, Think “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid” meet “The Magnificent Seven” (With singing and dancing)”