A retired cop who?s vowed never to hold another gun must rescue her troubled son from a heavily-armed weapons cult.
Steve72Logliner
A retired cop who?s vowed never to hold another gun must rescue her troubled son from a heavily-armed weapons cult.
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There is a lot of stuff happening in this logline.
However, why doesn’t the former police officer call the authorities?
Also, how does she know her son is about to be executed? Was it announced in the secret cults newsletter?
I like the premise of a mother trying to rescue her son from a religious cult.
But “worship weapons’?
That they are obsessive about having a 2nd Amendment right to possess arms –? yes.? And in the religious context could be that it’s a doomsday cult, and they think they need the weapons to defend themselves when D-day arrives.
(You can’t fit it into a logline, of course, but I assume you’ve got a good backstory as to why she has taken the vow to forsake firearms.? That’s an? atypical reaction of a law enforcement officer.)
Too much information, too many words. Trim it down to the basics in one sentence, 25 words max, no commas whenever possible. Just tell us what we need to know to make the story compelling, and put the more detailed bits of interest in a synopsis.
A retired cop who’s vowed never to hold another gun must rescue her troubled son from a heavily-armed weapons cult.
Protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. Plus it highlights the irony inherent in your concept, and raises questions about how she’s going to succeed…questions a reader will want to see the script to have answered.