Penpusher
Posted: 2019-07-22T14:15:51+10:00 In:

A retired rock star visits an imprisoned ex band-mate for the first time in 10 years, to reveal a life-changing secret. The two?of?them recall their bands early days as teenagers, its successes/problems as a satanic themed heavy metal group and its eventual downfall.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      I feel like this is a story about two retired rock stars getting nostalgic over their past successes. I’m struggling to see how this is a thriller.

      Check out the “Our formula” tab to help with formatting. At 45 words, this is pretty lengthy and I’m not sure I really understand what the story is about. You mention a life-changing secret but then we don’t hear what happens when this is revealed.

      Why does this retired rock star have to tell this secret? Which one of these two is the protagonist?

      I like the idea of two retired heavy metal rock stars looking back and we get their life stories leading to that point BUT there has to be a purpose to it. What’s the goal for the protagonist? What is he trying to achieve? What does he lose if he fails?

      I feel like currently we have a synopsis for the first part of act 2 and that’s about it. I want to know what led him there and why and what happens next

      Hope this helps.

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    2. Singularity

      As mikepedley85 said.

      What’s the source of tension?? What’s the dramatic problem that MUST be solved? What is the retired rock star’s objective goal?? And what are the stakes– why should we in the audience care what happens (or not)?

      • 0