Penpusher
Posted: 2019-11-05T23:18:56+10:00 In:

A rookie Intelligence Officer accidentally risks a global incident, when she tries to replace the Foreign Minister of a hostile middle eastern country with an impostor: his secretly homosexual twin brother.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      There might be an interesting story here, but I’m sure yet because the logline fails to provide some key information.? Specifically, I don’t know what the danger is, what is at risk. What kind of “global incident”is it ?? The logline needs to be specific about the jeopardy.

      Nor do I have a clue as to the rookie’s objective goal?? Why MUST she replace the minister?? To what end?? What is swapping out twin brothers supposed to accomplish? Swapping out the brothers is a means to an end, isn’t it?? Well, what is that end?

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    2. Singularity

      Daryl Rogerson:

      Thanks for the additional information.? But it’s still unclear what is at stake.? ” Risk a global incident” — I can guess what? that means, but I shouldn’t have to.? The logline should tell me.

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    3. Samurai

      An Intelligence Officer replaces the Foreign Minister of a hostile middle eastern country with… his not-so-secret homosexual twin brother.

      – I chopped a lot of the padding. don’t need the “tries to”. I mean – he’s gonna do it ha. Cut the imposter. You might need it. We’ll see. I’m just playing around here.

      – Hmm still feels like “Dave” crossed with a Sacha Baron Cohen film ha.

      – Hopefully, “not-so-secret” suggests he’s very clearly gay but will in hilarious situations think it’s hidden.

      – I agree with Dpg. You might need to push on the stakes.

      – Concept has a fish-out-of-water which is good. I don’t think being gay is enough though. Perhaps he knows nothing about politics? Perhaps he’s a compulsive trouble maker? A drinker? How is this guy gonna make things worse?

      Hmm – how about “his not-so-secret homosexual twin brother – a man with a voracious sexual appetite”.

      or…

      “his black sheep twin brother… a not-so-secret homosexual who loves to party.”

      – Lastly, perhaps you need a “Then”? Then what happens? How does this guy cause trouble and mischief?

      Anyways – play around with it. Experiment.

      Nothing I say is gospel.

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