A schizophrenic ex-serviceman wants to revenge his imaginary wife and her lover!
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
But?
What is standing in his way? You have given us the goal but have not told us what is keeping the protagonist from the goal.
Also, why should we want the lead character to succeed? The audience should be rooting for the lead character.
I am not seeing anything that make me want to pull for the lead character to achieve his goal.
As Richiev said.
The character, obviously, has a serious flaw. So what is the that plot arises out of his disorder?
What becomes the primary conflict, the dramatic question that arises out this situation? ?What threat does he pose to himself or anyone else if his wife and her lover are imaginary? ?Is there anyone trying to help him? ?Get him back on his medication? Get him to seek and stay in therapy?
And what’s at stake? ?Why would an audience be interested in spending $12-$15 and 2 hours of their time to watch someone act out a mental disorder?
It’s hard to tell from your logline but Is the lead character’s schizophrenia a ‘big reveal?
In other words, does he go about killing his wife and her lover, then the big reveal is, they never existed? And it all starts over again, the end?
The ‘big reveal’ is a cliche that has been used many times – ‘it was all a dream’…
If you want to tell a story about a person with?schizophrenia, perhaps try to come up with another way of dealing with the imaginary v real element. What if he is aware of the imaginary people being imaginary? What if he’s fallen in love with an imaginary woman and prefers her over his wife?
I don’t mean to be a downer, but the idea of a “big” reveal in the end that it was all in his head has been done so many times to the point that?it may work against you.
When I read your original logline I thought it was a comedy.
If you want there to be a big reveal, perhaps try something like this:
Cuckolded, an ex-serviceman seeks revenge on his wife and her lover only to discover the impossibility of the task.
“The ?big reveal? is a cliche that has been used many times ? ?it was all a dream??” Yes, this is true.
But rather than have it be a big reveal(since it wouldn’t be that surprising due to the schizophrenia) I think it would be much more interesting to have him constantly questioning whether what he is experiencing is reality or imaginary.
But what is the plot? He’s a veteran, certainly he could easily kill his wife, and her lover, whether in his imagination or reality.
Just a thought, you could add a “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” type feel to it, so when he goes to kill his wife, he finds out that she is an agent/spy/soldier.
In order to incorporate what I said above, leave out that his wife is imaginary altogether, mentioning schizophrenia will insert that doubt.
Anyway, you have his goal, now what does he do to achieve it?