A secret ill-fated love between a Native-American man and young impressionable Irish woman is torn apart by a grave murder and an ever impending civil rising.

The bedrock concept has been done to death but I think the execution – a Native American man and an Irish woman, in Ireland around the time of the uprising – gives it enough freshness to make this worthwhile.

Technically speaking it’s a solid logline, but there are a few adjective double-barrels I think you could do without. Cut “ill-fated” and leave “secret”: the later reference to their love being torn apart tells us all we need to know about their love’s fate. Is there a way you can combine “young” and impressionable” to keep the sentence moving briskly? In a pinch you could say “impressionable Irish girl” but “girl” might too young a connotation. Maybe jsut go with “young”? Youth, after all, suggests impressionability. The word “ever” used in the context in which it’s used here is rarely necessary, too, and personally speaking I don’t think it ever looks good, so I’d cut that. Also, is it both the murder and the uprising that tear their love apart or is it mostly the murder? If so, you could make this really snappy by establishing the Easter rising as the backdrop up front and then using that to lead into the specific story detail, something like, “In the build-up to the 1916 Easter rising, a secret love between a Native-American man and a young Irish woman is torn apart by a grave murder.”

That’s all contingent on the rising not taking a central role in ruining their relationship, however. Either way there’s certainly some tightening up you could do, but it’s a good start.