Penpusher
Posted: 2017-04-28T06:56:44+10:00 In:

A selfish billionaire businessman went to NYC were he got kidnapped by his opponents, and left to die in a small old room.

Drama / Thriller

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    3 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      Take a look at the wonderful resources for writing loglines that this site has to offer.

      Yours is written in past tense and doesn’t work to generate a hook. Write what must be done, why and what will not be achieved or lost if such act is not done.

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      scripts and loglines are written in the present tense because things happen on screen right-now.

      Also, stories are about what the lead character must do. Your logline attempt is just a set-up, the story would be about what happens after he is kidnapped.
      Here is an example: (Yours would be different)
      —–
      “When he is left for dead in a locked room, a kidnapped billionaire must use his childhood skills as a street magician to break from his prison and get revenge on his abductors.”
      —–
      Hope that helped.

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    3. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Great comment by Richiev.

      Feel free to check out the ‘Formula’ tab up top for more information on how best to structure loglines.

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