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evad97Penpusher
Posted: July 31, 20192019-07-31T01:20:17+10:00 2019-07-31T01:20:17+10:00In: Coming of Age

A shy adolescent is forced to question her identity when she and a mysterious new friend are chased across the states by a vengeful Police Officer.

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    3 Reviews

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    1. yqwertz Mentor
      2019-07-31T01:54:33+10:00Added an answer on July 31, 2019 at 1:54 am

      If a “vengeful police officer” is chasing her “mysterious new friend” shouldn’t she question her friend’s identity, not her own?

      Once a police officer crosses an administrative district (county line, state line) he is out of jurisdiction and can no longer make an arrest unless he is in hot pursuit. If the officer has a reason for pursuing the pair, then put it in the logline. If the officer is not in hot pursuit, then the pair can go to the next police station and have the officer arrested – problem solved.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2019-07-31T03:48:07+10:00Added an answer on July 31, 2019 at 3:48 am

      Yqwertz is correct on the technical point of the officer’s jurisdictional boundary.

      Also, why is the adolescents ID in question as a result of being chased by law enforcement?? I can guess what the problem with her ID is, but a logline shouldn’t leave me guessing on an important element in the plot.

      “Also forced to question”? is not an specific objective goal.? It’s a plot problem.? What is her objective goal?? What must? she because she’s being pursued over something about her identity?? Check out the guidelines under “Our Formula” for how to build an industry standard logline.

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2019-07-31T10:55:18+10:00Added an answer on July 31, 2019 at 10:55 am

      What is the vengeful police officer, seeking vengeance for? Does the lead character know why the police officer wants vengeance?

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