A single desperate fathers journey to save his daughter from a rare disease, he embarks on the seemingly impossible journey inside of area 51 where the only known antidote is, with bad luck finding him along the way and time not on his side, his daughter begins to fade fast.

The first part of the logline (“…A single desperate fathers journey to save his daughter from a rare disease…”) is a deceleration of a situation rather than a plot point description and needs to be cut. It should be replaced with an inciting incident i.e: After his daughter contracts a rare disease a single father must…

The description: “…seemingly impossible…” is redundant because if it is impossible then he will fail, however, what you are trying to do is describe his journey as a daunting task. This is (or should be) the case for all main characters and therefore there is no need to add an adjective to his journey rather describe the specific detail that makes it daunting.

Phrases such as “…bad luck finding him along the way and time not on his side…” are generic statements of obstacles and time frame. They do not contribute to the readers understanding of the dramatic premise as they inherently lack a connection to the specific story and character at hand. Best to specifically describe the obstacles, stakes characters and time restrictions they have.

Lastly “…his daughter begins to fade fast..” is the inciting incident and needs to be (as previously mentioned) at the beginning of the logline not the end. More so either she is dying or she isn’t – …”begins to fade…” is a diluted way of saying deteriorates.

Hope this helps.