Before You Leap
Nicholas Andrew HallsSamurai
A straight-laced rookie goes undercover to catch a gang of free-running thieves, but falls in love with their charismatic leader.
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An Ok Logline – the L word could be taken out – simply falls is enough & more info is needed – we can assume that makes things tricky but what is then at stake, where is the drama is it a relationships driven movie or action morals – makes me think of Point Break – good luck !
Thanks Simon. I was definitely going for a Point Break vibe, hoping to streamline the conflict by eliminating the love triangle and just going straight to the source.
Point taken about dropping “love”. Will strike that from the logline.
From what I understand, you want your logline to be the clear promise of what the movie will hold – it doesn’t need to take you through a step by step necessaily.
My hope is that, having made it clear that the story follows a cop who falls in love with a criminal, that the drama and the stakes are obvious. Does the cop choose the job or the girl, his honour or his duty. I’m curious to hear what other people think … do I need to state that central dilemma, or is it an obvious implication of this logline?
Also – thinking the title might work better (and be more indicative of the film) as “Jump the Gun.” Thoughts?
I think it’s pretty clear what’s at stake. At least for me anyway. Clearly his feelings for her will get in the way of his job and maybe he’ll get caught or something. I don’t know. To me it’s pretty clear but we’ve seen similar stories to this before. What will be different about this one?
Nicholas, to me this sounds too much like Point Break. What sets it apart? Include that in the logline.
For me, the love reference needs to stay. I like to see loglines that promise me as much of a story as possible. I don’t like to see the vague poster-like tags that leave everything to the imagination.
What I focus on teaching is to create loglines that convince people in the industry that you have all the elements to write a unique yet familiar well-told story. That’s a lot… So milk the logline! Put in whatever you can within the 25-words-or-less.
Do loglines have to be 25 words or less? I feel like sometimes I need more to explain the story. I’ve also seen loglines with two sentences.
What is a gang of free-running thieves? Also everyone assumes that the gang leader is a female. How about “A young and inexperienced rookie, Mary goes undercover to catch a gang of car thieves and put her career on the line when she falls for the gang?s leader?.
Hey GJI – free running specifies the sub culture they belong to. It’s very similar to Parkour, and using this the thieves are robbing jewellery stores in the middle of shopping malls. But I might need to find a way to make that clearer to the reader. Thanks.
Thanks for your response Karel.
Aside from the fact that I’m writing it for the Indonesian market, and the thieves are free running enthusiasts (Parkour), I really don’t know what sets this story apart from those just like it. I recognise that throws up some red flags, but it also hasn’t stopped many, MANY films borrowing from this formula from selling and becoming big hits.
So, without writing my movie for me … can you suggest what area I should be tackling to make it more gripping? Are the characters suggested arcs not compelling enough? Is Parkour just not different enough to surfing or illegal drag racing or one of the many other slight variations on sub culture that have made films work in the past?
What I’m saying is, I recognise the problem but don’t know where to go from there …
I really like the idea, but I haven`t seen Point Break.
Personally I`d base it in London, where jewelry theft from stores at night is prevalent, as the Police aren`t allowed to pursuit the moped scooter`s they use to get away. That and the spectacular backdrops at night, and the gritty locations.
As a filmmaker I can tell you now though, that getting the Health and Safety, plus Ethics forms passed would be near impossible. Without a massive budget for netting/airbags, stuntmen and Stunt co-ordinaters – Basically what I`m saying is make this script spectacular, I mean OMG Awesome – Or ditch it now.
Personally I`d really like to film this idea, so I wish you luck.
N.B. A ridiculed rookie cop, determines to apprehend a gang of free-running jewelry thieves, only to fall for their charismatic female leader. What goes on under the covers, doesn`t stay undercover.