Penpusher
Posted: 2017-04-12T23:46:08+10:00 In:

A struggling musician faces a heart-wrenching decision when he is presented with the greatest opportunity of his young career.

A struggling musician faces a heart-wrenching decision when he is presented with the greatest opportunity of his young career.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      What’s the big decision?

      By the Log, it sounds as though your main character is not actively seeking anything, yet something falls in his lap and he may have to change.

      “he is presented” has to go. What can be so monumental of a thing that a struggling musician may face? Please elaborate further.

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    2. Singularity

      As Foxtrot25 said.

      Loglines are about what happens after the protagonist decides, not about the dilemma of deciding to decide, having to decide, hesitating to decide. A logline is about a course of action taken as a result of a commitment to an objective goal.

      So ?the logline should describe the ?heart rendering problem?he must struggle with after he decides.

      What is his ?objective goal? ?Who is the antagonist who opposes his effort and/or what’s the biggest obstacle he must overcome to succeed?

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    3. Singularity

      The heart-wrenching situation is your hook, the more heart-wrenching the stronger the hook… therefore it is not something you want to be vague about in the logline. Give us the details and as pointed out, tell us what the protagonist must do.

      When his mother dies on the verge of his breakout national tour, a rebellious rocker is must take care of his father who has alzheimers.
      When his daughter is diagnosed with leukemia a talented but struggling musician must join the corporate world to pay for the expensive treatment

      Tell us specifically what is heart-wrenching about your story in order to draw in the reader and your logline will improve dramatically.

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    4. Samurai

      MY SKIN FLUTE –

      A poor porn addicted?musician sells his retarded baby on the spare parts black market for a new electric clarinet after he’s presented with a life changing opportunity.? Now he must evade the irate mother and his haunting conscience while pursuing his dream of being the first clarinet playing rock star.

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