Would love to hear from you what you think of this logline.?
thommymorais@gmail.comPenpusher
A talented lonely man falls in love with his soulmate but everyday fighting brings out her past and his imaginary future.
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Its all too vague. What is the man’s talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn’t yesterday or last week or last year? What incident kicks the ball rolling?
Remember, a logline has to distinguish your film from others, so specifics are your friends.
What is your lead character’s goal?
So i would change talented for passionate. I guess he was lonely before he met her but scared to get back there since they?re fighting a lot. In the story we see the present(love/fighting) but her past his her problem with ex husband who is still in the picture and family trouble coming back with him trying to make her come true with it all. His imaginary future is the life he sees with her. What it could be if they would just fully accept each( because deep down they?re meant for each other). What makes it all happen is yea. The fact that he?s never had this before but knows THIS is the one. So how could I make it better?
It might help if explain you that the movie. Goes from seeing the present to seeing the imaginary future back and forth up until the end when you realize that she never went true and left him
Your explanations of the plot aren’t describing the specifics a logline needs. In short, all you need to know if a story has the fundamental components to function well are a main character (man), an inciting event (missing), and a goal (also missing).
Man (even a talented and lonely one) is a vague description of a character. Firstly, “…man…” describes half the human race. Secondly, “…talented…” means nothing unless we know what he is talented in and how this will affect his story (see, for example, David Helfgot’s biopic).? And “…lonely…” describes most people and more so nowadays.
What goal MUST he achieve? And why?
I’m assuming” her past” means she had a traumatic past? Is that the conflict. Because of her past they can’t achieve the future he has envisaged? If this is the case then maybe it’s her story. She needs to overcome her fears for them to be happy.