Logliner
Posted: 2016-06-06T12:29:05+10:00 In:

A teenage girl?s life is thrown into chaos when her father dies and her social worker demands a bribe to keep her out of foster care.

A teenage girl?s life is thrown into chaos when her father dies and her social worker demands a bribe to keep her out of foster care.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The logline sets up a situation, and an inciting incident with great potential for conflict and complications. ?Good. ?But it needs at least one more element to do what a logline ?is supposed to do: outline a plot. ?What is missing is an objective goal for the protagonist. ?A protagonist must be?proactive, not reactive or passive in the face of the problem the antagonist throws at them.

      So what becomes the teenager’s proactive objective goal as a result of the social worker’s demand/threat? ?What is her game plan do defeat the social worker and survive without having going into foster care?

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    2. Singularity

      Agreed with DPG.

      Also, many first time writers like to use descriptions?such as?”…life is thrown into chaos?” as they sound dramatic, however the opposite is true. These kind of descriptions?are generic which makes them dramatic for dramatics sake instead of being dramatic as a result of the situation at hand, therefore it gives the concept a melodramatic feel.

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