Penpusher
Posted: 2017-06-10T18:10:22+10:00 In:

A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler’s daughter despite the horrid Nazism they face.

A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler’s daughter despite the horrid Nazism they face.
Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    5 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      This version of the logline still suffers from vague descriptions. What is this promise of love? What does that mean? What is his goal? What is the goal that can be visually depicted on a screen? What event causes him to pursue this goal?

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      Agreed with Dkpough1.

      The vague nature of the descriptions and the tenuous cause and effect connecting the actions are indicative of problems with this concept. Also, the last part in the logline “…despite the horrid Nazism they face.” can be cut – the danger a Jewish boy faces in a Nazi death camp are inherently clear and need not be elaborated on.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      I am a true believer in fully honnest feedback, as anything else is unhelpful.

      You wrote:
      ??I find it quite difficult to set all the huge story in one line.?

      This is indicative of a problem in the concept.

      Even after reading your explanation of the story beats, all the previous notes you’ve gotten for this concept still apply. I’m not sure what else can be added that hasn’t already been put in either this or previous threads.

      • 0
    4. Singularity

      This is essentially a boy meets girl story, and you’re trying to exploit the Holocaust as a backdrop in order to increase the stakes, unfortunately to ill effect.

      Here are a few reasons why:
      The added complication of the German girl being Hitler’s daughter is not only a convenient writing add-on but also too big a leap of logic, which subsequently puts the suspension of disbelief under threat.
      I simply can’t think of many ways to rectify this in the current concept as it is presented in the logline. Therefore, I believe you would do well to rethink this concept from the ground up, one such way of thinking (as previously suggested) could be to tell the story from the girl’s point of view instead of the boy’s – the story needs to change if you want to make it work.

      • 0
    5. Singularity

      What’s the backstory on Hitler’s daughter. ?Who is the mother? ?When/how did the affair happen?

      As Nir Shelter indicated, the concept requires a considerable suspension of disbelief because there is no record of Hitler having any children. ?You cannot cram the backstory into the logline, but that’s the 1st thing that any credible movie maker will want to know. ?What, Hitler had a daughter? ?When? ?By whom? ?Your script has to get over that hurdle before it is going to get serious attention.

      Also, stretching credibility is the fact that one of the better kept secrets of the Nazi era was that Hitler had a mistress, Eva Braun. ? The existence of their affair was only known to a few in Hitler’s inner circle. ?A very few: the general public — that includes 99.99% of the military and SS, never knew about her–until the final months of the war when she joined him at his bunker in Berlin.

      And?the two love birds were never shown together in public. Fr?ulein Braun never tagged along with him in his victory tours. ?Yet your story not gives Hitler an illegitimate daughter — ?scandalous! — but also has her tagging along with vater Adolf, ?Der F?hrer, when he tours the Ost front.

      What’s her backstory?

      • 0