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Tony ByrdPenpusher
A computer hacker uses a computer that turns back time so that he stop a young woman turned cyborg from invading his town.
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And… then what happens?
You’re describing a situation, and that’s not really a logline. Give the hacker a tangible goal and a ticking clock, plus what happens if he fails.
Where is the conflict?
And why now? What one event motivated him to have to do that?
A logline needs to describe causality in the succession of events.
Cool, now you have added conflict.
The next step would be to determine where the main story begins.
Since the goal of the main character is to save his town, then the main story begins when his town is threatened.
Is the race against time not made redundant? by the ability to manipulate time?
I revised it.
So… The Terminator with a few changes that make it less compelling?
Why does the cyborg invade the town? When she’s just one, surely it’s not too hard for the town collectively to figure out how to stop her?
Why the computer hacker? Why him over everyone else? It’s interesting that he’s a hacker but his goal needs to tie his profession in a little more I think.
I revised it. What should be the goal?